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  • Writer's pictureMonique Thomas

Beloved One, You May Be the Problem...and Not Know It.

Updated: Mar 23, 2020

It can sometimes be hard to see when you have become the problem. I've been there, and don't want you to become the elephant in the room. Here are some ways you may have missed it -- let me show ya.

1. You may be right about the company...and they also be right about you. You find yourself complaining about your organization...and you are right in your critique. The prices may be too high. Your boss may be inexperienced. And, you may still be a problem. This can especially be true if you have become bitter in your work environment. So gaslighting aside, the pain of existing in organizations after being overlooked, being passed over (twice!), and being insulted can cause you to throw the baby out with the bath water (the baby being the feedback you need, and the water -- your feedback for them).

Tip: Stop complaining about you job. It will add years to your life...and your partner/friends/family will probably thank you for it. Plus? You'll be able to see and think more clearly.

2. Low-key? You have been perfect most of your life. Whether you were a bona-fide rock star, or just an entitled Millennial, if you've never received critical feedback other than the occasional "compliment sandwich" ("You're wonderful...I hate you...but you are wonderful"), hearing raw feedback can be a shock to the system.

Tip: Confront yourself. Are you really interested in hearing critical feedback? If you are not, understand, you run the actual risk of not being perfect...and never trying to fix that.

3. No one cares enough about you to tell you the truth. This is a flip of the last one. Sure, it hurts to hear the truth, but it hurts more not to hear it. You could be suffering from a manager that is too nice to be kind. She might just feel comfortable giving the only Latinx employee some hard feedback or might not be "in relationship" enough to to just tell you the honest deal.

Tip: Get in deep, good relationships with people you can trust to be honest with you...then let them be honest. Not creating deep relationships at the job may read as "professional," but it also can mean you miss out on getting the goods on the development side.


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